The growth mindset versus the fixed mindset.
Heroes achieve success by hard work, not by talent alone. Those who rely on talent don’t truly know failure and therefore don’t know how to achieve success.
In the book, Moneyball “Billy [Beane] was of the opinion that he should never make an out.” Sound familiar?
By contrast, Lenny Dysktra had no concept of failure. He believed there are no such things as naturals.
Leaders “were not the larger-than-life, charismatic types who oozed ego and self-proclaimed talent. They were self-effacing people who constantly asked questions and had the ability to confront the most brutal answers—that is, to look failures in the face, even their own while maintaining faith that they would succeed in the end.”
“What he learned was this: True self-confidence is ‘the courage to be open—to welcome change and new ideas regardless of their source.’ Real self-confidence is not reflected in a title, an expensive suit, a fancy car, or a series of acquisitions. It is reflected in your mindset: your readiness to grow.” -Jack Welch
Herodotus, writing in the fifth century B.C., reported that the ancient Persians used a technique to prevent groupthink. Whenever a group reached a decision while sober, they later reconsidered it while intoxicated.
There are so many ways the fixed mindset creates groupthink. Leaders are seen as gods who never err. A group invests itself with special talents and powers. Leaders, to bolster their ego, suppress dissent. Or workers, seeking validation from leaders, fall into line behind them. That’s why it’s critical to be in a growth mindset when important decisions are made.
A no-effort relationship is a doomed relationship, not a great relationship. It takes work to communicate accurately and it takes work to expose and resolve conflicting hopes and beliefs. It doesn’t mean there is no “they lived happily ever after,” but it’s more like “they worked happily ever after.”
“Relationship expert Daniel Wile says that choosing a partner is choosing a set of problems. There are no problem-free candidates. The trick is to acknowledge each other’s limitations, and build from there.”
If you are shy but growth-minded, embrace the challenge of meeting someone new.
Praising children’s intelligence harms their motivation and it harms their performance.
We should keep away from a certain kind of praise—praise that judges their intelligence or talent. Or praise that implies that we’re proud of them for their intelligence or talent rather than for the work they put in. We can praise them as much as we want for the growth-oriented process—what they accomplished through practice, study, persistence, and good strategies. And we can ask them about their work in a way that admires and appreciates their efforts and choices.